Social anxiety is caused by fear of social situations and can create stress leading up to and during different social events. Many people experience social anxiety at one point or another, but it becomes a challenge when it starts to take over life. This anxiety comes up regularly when in social situations, can often cause distress, and may even stop people from doing what they want to do. This type of anxiety causes ongoing fear that other people are constantly watching and judging you, which is why it can cause us to want to be alone as the thought of interacting with groups causes discomfort. This fear can affect school, work, and other daily activities which is why it is important to work with this anxiety and not just let it worsen.
What to do if someone asks for your help with their social anxiety? A Lot of people experience social anxiety, and chances are you or a loved one may be affected by it. If you know someone with social anxiety, and want to help them or they have reached out for help, then here’s what you can do as a start.
First off, talk to them and just listen, really listen. Learn about what causes their anxiety, and how Calgary therapy services can help. It’s probably going to be more than one thing that can trigger it. It may be a certain type of social situation or event, certain people or certain settings. Next, you want to make sure that you don’t judge them. You may not understand why they feel this way, but remember that everyone is different. Something that bothers them, may not bother you, and vice versa, so make sure that they feel supported no matter how insignificant their triggers may seem to you. Try to get a better understanding of why certain things may bother them by asking questions like; ‘Do you know why you feel that way when this happens?’ Or, ‘How can I spot when you start to become anxious? Oftentimes if you pay close enough attention, you will be able to spot signs of their anxiety through body language. They might stop talking, or start looking at the ground and avoiding eye contact, or start picking their fingers. The person experiencing the anxiety can also tell you what their stress responses are so you can spot them better, because they probably know it as well even if they are doing it subconsciously. Lastly, talk to them and create a plan for what you can do when you see that they are socially anxious. The smallest gestures can go a long way when someone is struggling with anxiety. It could be as simple as a hug, or even just letting them know you’re there for them, asking if they want to talk, or suggesting that you both leave the situation to help remove them if they feel like they can’t do it by themselves.
Social anxiety often causes the individual to feel a fear around doing things, even if they want to. A term that recently came up in a group discussion around anxiety was ‘bench locked’. This term was used to describe the feeling of being physically stuck somewhere due to anxiety. Theoretically, the person could move, but mentally, the anxiety is stopping them from doing so. This term is described to feel like all the weight around the anxiety of moving gets too big to manage, and causes the person to be stuck. It’s like sitting down around others, and because of social anxiety the individual feels as if everyone is watching them and therefore the idea of getting up is too stressful to do because racing thoughts around the future action of standing become too much to bear, causing the person to become bench locked. This can be hard for someone without anxiety to understand as the typical response would be to ‘just get up because no one is watching’. But the reality with social anxiety is it feels like the whole world is watching and just waiting for you to mess us up so they can laugh, proving your intrusive thoughts right.
The most important thing to remember when dealing with social anxiety whether that be with yourself, or those around you, is that it’s normal, and it doesn’t make you any less if you struggle with it. And for those of you who are helping others, remember to be sensitive as it can be hard even just talking about the anxiety, let alone actually feeling it.
